1. Audition and make it into a boy band. She will crawl across glass to have you back! Just make sure it is an actual boy band and not one of those creepy 50’s, “give it up already” bands.
2. Date her sister or mother. It will work.
3. Become a motherfucking sorcerer. Who needs women if you control the power of magic?
4. Date a girl/woman of a completely different race and also personality (preferably one you have never dated before). Post that shit ALL OVER social media with ALL SMILES. You will send your ex-girlfriend into epic levels of self-doubt.
5. Never, ever, EVER answer your ex’s phone calls. Wait a few months and if she is still calling answer once with a “who is this again?”
6. Create time lapse videos of you and your dog doing EVERYTHING you and your ex did together. Some cheesy music and maybe a few make out scenes will really make the videos memorable.
7. Do everything you told her you would not do with her and take tons of pictures doing it. Again, overshare on social media and know that she sees it. And she hates you.
8. Date a girl with the exact same name. No it won’t create a complex for you, but instead will irk the shit out of her every time she sees a new Facebook post with her name on it.
9. Immediately get married. The next week. That will show her!
10. Write a post on your blog saying “Oh Shit! I found out something horrible from the doctor today!” But never elaborate. She will definitely call you soon.