10 Ways to Get New Followers


1. Stalk them online for months until you know everything about them. Then one day drop the bomb. Comment on their post, but tie everything in that they have ever said for the past year into one paragraph. You will impress the shit out of them… or scare the living shit out of them. Who wouldn’t love that?

2. Ask for help every day on every post. People LOVE to be helpful. It works seriously.

3. Naked photo of self or hotter self.

4. Pretend to be a little younger than you are and if you are really old a lot younger than you are.

5. Don’t tell people you have kids. I torture my readers with pictures of my kids all the time only because I am mean as hell.

6. Steal pictures off the internet of new locations so it looks like you travel the world every day. Be sure and include a new car, bottles of champagne, and hot women of course.

7. Pretend to be dying.

8. Battle a shark, youtube it, and lose.

9. Write offensive material that no one should give a shit about, but they probably all will.

10. Just tell us about your day. No one else is living that day but you so someone will find it interesting.

-OM

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10 Annoying as Shit Things Bloggers Do


1. I absolutely hate when bloggers use the word “hiatus.” The first time I saw this word used so often I thought it was some remote country I hadn’t heard of. “I’ve been on a hiatus” is said so often I thought to myself “man… where the hell is this Hiatus place at? Everyone goes there!” In all honesty people unless you are a celebrity no one cares why you haven’t been blogging. The few people that are interested were probably with you on your “break” so they also don’t actually care about you not posting.

2. Creating titles for yourself to impress the world is annoying as shit. We get it… you really want to be important and created yourself an “Editor in Chief” or “CEO of FakeCorporation.com” to stroke that ego. If I were a job recruiter and I read your resume and saw a “fake entry” like that I would call you out on it. Not only that, but I would make you feel incredibly stupid for pumping yourself up.

3. Bloggers are all here for their own reasons. Some are here to share, some are here to promote, and some are just “finding their way.” I don’t understand why some bloggers make a habit of visiting blog posts where an individual is celebrating hitting a view or follower goal and bashing them for being happy. It happens all the time and it honestly shows what a shitty blogger you are if the only self-esteem boost you find daily is making others feel bad. If you aren’t here for numbers, views, or subscribers that is perfectly ok, but don’t make people feel bad for chasing their dreams. It just makes you look like a bitch.

4. We all have causes we want to trumpet and push towards the public eye. I get that and I do the same thing here. This doesn’t mean that you have to accept and carry every banner you can find because society tells you that you should care. I wonder sometimes how much true conviction people have when they cry bloody murder over almost every incident that hits social media. Pick your battles people.

5. People that present differing opinions are NOT trolls. If a blogger takes issue with your post and decides to respond to you and your twenty friends that are chirping in agreement, that simply means that person cared. It doesn’t make them a troll unless they cross a line and are commenting just to comment. I think many people label any disagreement as trolling and that is sad. That is a pathetic way of viewing blogging.

6. We have all gotten into social media spats. People really need to know and recognize who they are going to war with though. If you decide to reblog or post an attack on a blogger with a thousand times your subscriber number you deserve the attention you get. Honestly people… size up the enemy first. Use some fucking common sense.

7. Stop complaining about lack of views, spammers, fake follows, and the negative sides of blogging if you claim to “only be here for fun.” It starts to sound like you care a little more than just about the fun and we would hate for you to be labeled a hypocrite right? If you publish online for “fun” then that is great and I applaud you for that. It is annoying as shit though to see a blogger claim these things and then all you read is rant after rant about lack of views, how WordPress sucks, and how there are no real readers out there. How is that “not caring” going for you pumpkin?

8. Stop creating a new blog every month. Your last blog didn’t fail because of content or a bad Blog Title. It failed because you were lazy and didn’t go out to find yourself some readers. That is the simple truth. Your “new and remade blog” is going to fail too if you didn’t also remake your blogging habits.

9. It is annoying as shit to require your audience to make accounts to a new website to comment. Turn that moderation crap off or stop wondering why people aren’t commenting. No one has time for that and most people that get that “pop up window” asking for you to create an account click the X and say “fuck it.”

10. The last one is a personal one. I really love how it has become trendy to say “I unfollowed Opinionated Man a long time ago!” Like my website is the equivalent of Facebook or something. As flattering as that is to consider it really is just annoying as shit. It is also amazing how many people feel a need to type that statement.

-OM

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Why you are Alone on Valentine’s Day!


You think all men are pigs. Well show me a pig that can pick out a Hallmark card, pay for it, sign it, and buy chocolate without eating it and I will agree with you! Otherwise… you are just picky and alone.

You measure men against characters from movies. Look we get it, those men in TV shows and popular movies are suave and slick as hell. They also had twenty men AND women write their lines for them. If I had a committee that filtered every word before it came out of my mouth I might just be perfect as well.

You keep trying to meet guys at the club. I will never understand why women choose to get involved with men that are obviously “players” and then get shocked and upset when they get cheated on. You know who won’t cheat on you? The chess club president that is who. I don’t think a chess club president has ever cheated on a girlfriend in the history of chess!

You hated every boyfriend in the past… and you tell every new boyfriend about it. Yes, unfortunately there are some assholes in the world and you just might have dated some of them! I didn’t come on this date to hear about Richard, Bobby, and Joey ok? If you are alone and you have the habit of ranting about Ex-BFs… maybe a time of self-reflection is required.

You look like a runway model every day. This one might be confusing because what guy wouldn’t want to date a model? Sounds like a lot of drama, I mean fun, but I do feel the need to clarify to women that if you step out of your door every day looking like a fashion model… most “average guys” won’t dare to speak to you. All we see is dollar signs walking around in high heels that none of us can afford to buy you.

You hate flowers, you hate chocolate, and you hate bunnies and you hate… If you hate “everything” or are the type that says you “hate everything” I just won’t try. Why waste my time and money? YOU HATE EVERYTHING!

You LOVE Valentine’s Day. Bahumbug… I hate this holiday. I think many men do too, which is why in the Guycode Book it states “that unless you are married or in a serious relationship you should break all non-important social agreements till after gift buying season is over.” See page 69.

-Opinionated Man

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10 Reasons People Hate Me


  1. I don’t recycle. I just don’t… and I really could care less about the animals in the ocean. In fact it might be safer without them.
  2. People handing out advertisements or Girl Scout Cookies will sometimes receive what they think is “Korean” back. I actually don’t speak Korean… but it has sounded believable for 20 years.
  3. Sometimes I pretend to be asleep so people will go away. It is amazing how quickly a person will become bored with you if you are audibly snoring.
  4. I don’t move over for bikers of any kind and I don’t consider your oversized toy a car. This will probably never change.
  5. If you ask me my nationality I will many times tell you a random Asian country. It is because I am an asshole.
  6. I mumble a lot and then play it off by staring into space. When you stare into space people get uncomfortable and generally leave you alone…
  7. I will purposefully stop traffic to give to a homeless person if I see tons of cars pass them. Yes this is “reactive charity” but it is also the point of being bothered by the coldness of society.
  8. I don’t speak Spanish and never plan to. I also don’t think a person should have to speak Spanish to live in America. If everyone isn’t required to speak Korean (which wouldn’t make a bad law) then there should be no similar requirement for ANY language other than English in this great nation.
  9. I never say “Bless You” when someone sneezes. The silence is sometimes audible after such an occurrence… as if god is waiting for me to say it. I will, however, sometimes say “Devil Be Gone” and splash fake holy water on them.
  10. I don’t do “ice breakers.” To me an ice breaker is a single glass of Macallan 25 and ZERO human contact.

-OM

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10 Ways to get Rid of a Feminist


1. Inform them of a woman that isn’t a feminist. Be sure and hand out some torches and pitchforks so that they can begin their crusade immediately.

2. Say “I am a feminist too!” Don’t actually elaborate on what your beliefs are though just state that you are on the same side. You might even make the weekly “New Male Feminist Members” tweet I see every Saturday.

3. Keep saying “you guys” whenever you address the group. Apparently this is no longer politically correct and we must now say “you all.”

4. Begin to share with them your own hardships. Watch as they immediately walk away, because honestly no one suffers on this world as much as feminists apparently…

5. Talk about abortion and how wrong it is. Inform people of the evils of abortion and how all humans should have a say. Then be a man doing it.

6. Place the word “man” in your username and become an INSTANT nonfactor.

7. Sincerely compliment them and be a male. They won’t know how to take it and will of course suspect you of having an ulterior motive. With some feminists you really can’t pick “safe words” no matter how hard you try.

8. Clump all feminist together. It is inevitable you will receive at least one comment that sounds something along the lines of “well… I have never met that type of feminist, but…”

9. Concede that perhaps Eve did come before Adam. Then argue that this should negate the whole “patriarchy” debate.

10. Claim you are a “humanist” and that you don’t support one gender over the other. Feminist hate this argument because it leaves them with nothing to argue about. Do they then push the fact that they really do want “females” to be greater than males or do they instead say “Awesome!” and show support for all humans in general. As their movement proclaims…

-OM

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These People Should NOT Read My Blog


I created a list of people that shouldn’t follow my blog. This was prompted by a comment by one of you. I will number these to make it easier to digest.

  1. I don’t think depressive people should follow my blog. I have struggled with depression myself throughout my life and you know what happens when two depressives get together right? Ice cream, Sex in the City reruns, and boxes of tissue right?
  2. People that are easily offended shouldn’t follow my blog. I have said this repeatedly and even have a nice tagline as a warning…. And still people think I am joking. It amazes me!
  3. North Koreans and possibly the Chinese. I know I make a lot of jokes at the expense of other Asians. I would apologize… but that would just be a lie.
  4. Dennis Rodman – Dennis if you are reading my blog get the hell out of here asshole and go back to North Korea!
  5. People that have had an abortion probably will hate my blog. I get that and I wish you the best. I won’t change my words or views simply because there are “nice people” out there that have made mistakes. I have done bad things as well and I expect judgment for them.
  6. Trolls or groupies – I am not wealthy. I am married. I have a wife and two kids. There will never be an “I love you” in a message from me. Some of the emails I have received lately strongly suggest that some people have not read my bio. Read my bio. 2014 is the year of the anti-troll system. It is working so far.
  7. Clown lovers – I really hate clowns. I really do.
  8. Ultra-Religious Types – I am going to guess that my blog and views on religion won’t fly with most people.  I am ok with that… are you?
  9. If you hate generalizations – you will hate this blog.
  10. Feminist – Now I personally don’t think I have done anything to offend the feminist in the world of WordPress. Unfortunately the memo has been sent out that OM is a misogynist bastard. At least they got the bastard part right. To the feminist I have offended so far I have two words. Opinionated Man.
  11. Patriots Fans – If you love the Patriots and Tom Brady you probably will hate my blog. If you don’t… I will try harder.
  12. Real Writers and Authors – I know my punctuation and grammar suck. You probably want to save yourself the torture and just read a Tom Clancy novel or something… I get a mental image of “real authors” reading my blog and *snorting* saying “why the hell does this guy have so many followers?” Ouch…
  13. Poets – My poetry isn’t really poetry. It is more like random lines made to rhyme. I am certain this annoys real poets; you may want to just skip my blog.
  14. Serious Sussies (This is not referring to a real person) – Super serious people might want to read CNN instead. My blog is awash with lame, humorous jokes that most people don’t find funny other than me. It is like a comedic hell in here!
  15. Freshly Pressed Staff – I make fun of your choices a lot. You probably don’t want to hear me bash your hard work, but sometimes I can’t help it. Margaret Cho is the most “progressive” Korean-American??? REALLY??? UGH…

At least it has been said so if you do choose to stick around… well you have been warned.

-OM

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