My Opinion on Fashion – Part 1


Why not right? I have already been called a dumbass and an asshole this week, so I might as well have some fashion bloggers tell me how stupid I am to top it off! Here is my take on current fashion.

I am not fashionable. I was once… when bouncers were letting me skip everyone in line. It doesn’t take much, just move to Knoxville and be the only Asian guy that cares to befriend bouncers. They will remember you (there aren’t a lot of Asians in Knoxville if you didn’t know).

When I was into style and my clothes, back before the shackles of marriage, I would normally wear either Polo, Structure (before they changed their name), and Banana Republic. I am sure you can now label me pretty easily.

I take my family to the mall a lot. The girls like to walk around, I people watch, and my wife will do some shopping. I will normally play that game where you try to avoid any and all human contact… all the while also trying to appear “normal.” I get to observe a lot of fashion trends because of this and of course I have an opinion.

My wife has tried to explain how the whole “certain colors for certain seasons” works. I think I get it. Women wear colors that complement the season as some sort of “ninja vanish” trick so they can get close enough to stab you. At least I think that is what is going on. Also I learned shoes have to match. Just because the shoes are “dirty” doesn’t classify them as brown.

There are many trends I don’t understand. Why do “younger mothers” wear the same clothes as their older daughters? Is there some type of discount at gap if you get the same outfit in two sizes? I think it is awkward if you can’t tell a mother apart from her daughter… but I guess some people think that is “hot?” If you aren’t near the age of Forever 21, should you be shopping there? It does say “forever” though doesn’t it?

Why do women buy clothes just to hang them in their closet? I wonder how many women here have clothes with price tags STILL on them. I do not get this at all. Please, someone explain it to me! Also… women you realize that malls always have a “sale” going on right? Husbands are you still falling for this trick? “Honey there is a SALE going on!!!” I worked retail… there is always a sale. We kind of just moved those stickers around…

Maybe this is a Colorado thing, but I seem to only see two outfits on males here. A Broncos jersey (GO PEYTON!) or this new “BMX Biker” look. I suppose this isn’t really a “new look,” but it is to me! Everywhere I glance there are “X Gamers” walking around and I am half tempted to start asking for autographs.

Asians that wear “really” Asian clothing in public. Just stop! Please!!!

I am from the South and the topic of choice for the longest time was sagging jeans. I personally like my comfort and my jeans are definitely not up to my neck… but if I can see your ass then that is just wrong. Pull that shit up. You aren’t running from any dogs, cops, or women with knives with your jeans like that you know.

At a certain point “parents” have to retire those college T-shirts we love soooo much. I enjoy seeing a father and a mother walking in the mall with their kids, until I see that their shirts say “I’m with Stupid” and “Freshman Forever!!!” At some point people have to grow up…

I really hate the mall because of those kiosks that now rule the “center aisle.” Those people that man those stations are bulldogs. I almost had an Italian woman chase me down with lotion that I needed to “fix my face.” OUCH! Lmao…

-OM

Ways to Pray Properly


1. I like to start my prayer with a clap. It is normally somewhere between a Mr. Miyagi and a Gandolf clap, but I feel it really sets the tone.

2. Mood is everything and candles really encourage the right divine feelings. I light about 458 of them and sometimes I can even feel the holy burn.

3. I normally start my prayer with a statement. Something simple you know to let God know what I am thinking. “So this world you made is still shit God” is commonly used.

4. I can’t ever find East and West and the Sun always seems to be right above my head so that doesn’t work. Sometimes I just face anything taller than me and starting bowing… even if it happens to be a taller human being.

5. I have been known to hedge my bet by starting my prayer with God and ending somewhere between Zeus and Odin. Since I don’t actually subtract any time from the other portions of my prayer I don’t feel this is taking anything away from any particular God.

6. I like to slide in my name at the end of group blessings to trick people into saying one for me. I think a group effort is always best.

-OM

10 Annoying as Shit Things Bloggers Do


1. I absolutely hate when bloggers use the word “hiatus.” The first time I saw this word used so often I thought it was some remote country I hadn’t heard of. “I’ve been on a hiatus” is said so often I thought to myself “man… where the hell is this Hiatus place at? Everyone goes there!” In all honesty people unless you are a celebrity no one cares why you haven’t been blogging. The few people that are interested were probably with you on your “break” so they also don’t actually care about you not posting.

2. Creating titles for yourself to impress the world is annoying as shit. We get it… you really want to be important and created yourself an “Editor in Chief” or “CEO of FakeCorporation.com” to stroke that ego. If I were a job recruiter and I read your resume and saw a “fake entry” like that I would call you out on it. Not only that, but I would make you feel incredibly stupid for pumping yourself up.

3. Bloggers are all here for their own reasons. Some are here to share, some are here to promote, and some are just “finding their way.” I don’t understand why some bloggers make a habit of visiting blog posts where an individual is celebrating hitting a view or follower goal and bashing them for being happy. It happens all the time and it honestly shows what a shitty blogger you are if the only self-esteem boost you find daily is making others feel bad. If you aren’t here for numbers, views, or subscribers that is perfectly ok, but don’t make people feel bad for chasing their dreams. It just makes you look like a bitch.

4. We all have causes we want to trumpet and push towards the public eye. I get that and I do the same thing here. This doesn’t mean that you have to accept and carry every banner you can find because society tells you that you should care. I wonder sometimes how much true conviction people have when they cry bloody murder over almost every incident that hits social media. Pick your battles people.

5. People that present differing opinions are NOT trolls. If a blogger takes issue with your post and decides to respond to you and your twenty friends that are chirping in agreement, that simply means that person cared. It doesn’t make them a troll unless they cross a line and are commenting just to comment. I think many people label any disagreement as trolling and that is sad. That is a pathetic way of viewing blogging.

6. We have all gotten into social media spats. People really need to know and recognize who they are going to war with though. If you decide to reblog or post an attack on a blogger with a thousand times your subscriber number you deserve the attention you get. Honestly people… size up the enemy first. Use some fucking common sense.

7. Stop complaining about lack of views, spammers, fake follows, and the negative sides of blogging if you claim to “only be here for fun.” It starts to sound like you care a little more than just about the fun and we would hate for you to be labeled a hypocrite right? If you publish online for “fun” then that is great and I applaud you for that. It is annoying as shit though to see a blogger claim these things and then all you read is rant after rant about lack of views, how WordPress sucks, and how there are no real readers out there. How is that “not caring” going for you pumpkin?

8. Stop creating a new blog every month. Your last blog didn’t fail because of content or a bad Blog Title. It failed because you were lazy and didn’t go out to find yourself some readers. That is the simple truth. Your “new and remade blog” is going to fail too if you didn’t also remake your blogging habits.

9. It is annoying as shit to require your audience to make accounts to a new website to comment. Turn that moderation crap off or stop wondering why people aren’t commenting. No one has time for that and most people that get that “pop up window” asking for you to create an account click the X and say “fuck it.”

10. The last one is a personal one. I really love how it has become trendy to say “I unfollowed Opinionated Man a long time ago!” Like my website is the equivalent of Facebook or something. As flattering as that is to consider it really is just annoying as shit. It is also amazing how many people feel a need to type that statement.

-OM

Men Only – 10 Rules for Sex


Here are some pieces of advice I have on sex and they are obviously mostly for men, but maybe some women can relate to them as well.

1. Men don’t be too quick to defend yourself. When she says “was that it?” Don’t immediately say “but baby that was 2 minutes and 35 seconds longer than last time…”

2. Men you may not want to watch the football game while having sex. If you just “happen” to sync your sexual activities with that of a two minute drill going on women WILL notice. And they don’t take too kindly to it when suddenly everyone is clapping right on queue.

3. If you throw the pillow case and ask for a timeout for a water break and then get distracted by a playoff game while downstairs don’t expect sex for another 4.3 weeks.

4. Using condiments and making things interesting is fine during sex up until a certain point. That point normally begins when you hear voices that say “Are you guys making dessert in there? I hear whipped cream… I want some!”

5. Guys if you get caught looking at the clock have an answer ready for when your woman asks “what are you looking at?” I normally pick the water glass that should be there by the bed because hydration is important, “I was making sure no one was putting anything in your drink.” When she says “…but we’re at home…” you then need to look frustrated and say “baby can we concentrate on our next moves?”

6. Getting caught having sex in public, like in a car at the park, stops being “cute” and “romantic” at a certain age. The walk of shame is a little worse when your 18 year old has to bail you out from prison and drive you home.

7. Have an answer ready for when women ask you those questions like “was it good for you baby?” I like to go overboard with my answer to stop any further conversation. “Yea baby! This Captain is sure happy! You rocked the boat!” If that one gets old you can change it up with something like “This warrior is sure glad he visited this village!”

8. Sometimes women say silly things they have either heard other people say or seen on movies. If a woman says “Baby it is so large” and you are pretty sure it isn’t… just smile and try not to roll your eyes.

9. Pretending you are a superhero makes sex better.

10. Guys don’t just roll off and run do other things. At least give her a high five before you go. That lets her know you care.

Disclaimer: HarsH ReaLiTy is not responsible for any outcome from having followed any of the above advice. We encourage caution while dealing with sensitive subjects such as these.

-Opinionated Man

 

10 Reasons Why He Left You


  1. You have 99 cats and get offended when people call you “the cat lady.” 99 cats!!!
  2. You have pictures of guys all over your wall and in your room and none of them are the same race. Either you have the most racially diverse family in the history of racially diverse families… or you just scared me away. What flavor are you missing?
  3. You forget my name. How the hell do you forget my name? Men write it on our hands.
  4. The amount you like me seems to equal the amount of alcohol you drink. Sadly the reverse is also true.
  5. We met at the club… ten years ago. And you still go to the club every weekend.
  6. You like strip clubs more than I do.
  7. You chew tobacco. I don’t care what word you throw at me, (feminism) women chewing tobacco is not attractive.
  8. You hate every other woman alive. OK, we get it, women generally dislike other women. That is cool, I am not exactly the biggest cheerleader of other males, but at the same time we really get tired of the type of woman who ONLY rants on other women. “Oh God… look at her shoes!” “What color is she wearing… in this season???” Just shoot me…
  9. You like men… but all your feminist friends hate us. I get that some women have friends that follow “trends” they don’t necessarily feel connected to. There is a very good chance that a man will leave you though if every time he comes to pick you up he has to wait in the same room as the “we hate men committee” on Saturday nights.
  10. Everything we say is wrong. And I mean everything. I have run into men that are dating women that literally tell them they are wrong on each and every subject they dare mention. I often wonder, sometimes aloud, why they are with those types of women.

-OM

My Feminist Vow – By: Opinionated Man


I vow I will never hold the door open for another woman. If the door is about to hit her in the face I will not turn away, but will instead observe the harsh reality of equality.

I vow to never appreciate boobs again. I don’t have any myself so they must not be special. If they were indeed important… men would have been given at least one right?

I vow to never say the word “male” again! I turn my back on the label. From this day forth I will be known as human. I also intend to pick randomly which restroom I use since I am no longer observing silly differences. I have always wondered what the women’s restroom looks like…

I vow to never buy a woman flowers anymore. If a pair of socks and an ugly tie is good enough for men, well it should be good enough for you ladies as well. They won’t match either.

I vow to never look below a woman’s neck ever again. If a lady asks me to look at her outfit or shoes I will immediately inform her that I don’t care about such shallow things. I am on a face only diet!

I vow to write a tweet every week about feminism and the awful enslavement of women. I will not gloss over the hard facts of shopping sprees, unfair amounts of parental love, and the current efforts to create an equal society. In true feminist form I will ignore all the good and stick to the bad in this world. Without the bad we have nothing else to complain about… we must defend our breadbasket at all costs!

I vow to only cheer for the women in Disney movies. This is more important than religion… apparently.

I vow to never call a woman pretty, fine, sexy, or beautiful ever again. I will reserve those awesome words for myself. Instead all women will receive classy words like “average, so-so, and you can do better.”

I vow to come up with more vows tomorrow. This is now my new movement.

-Opinionated Man