Things I think when I see a white guy with an Asian girl


1. Man he must have really liked Japanese class.

2. Another one bites the dust…

3. There goes the token white friend apparently.

4. Hey dude… you got yourself an Asian now. Chill out with the anime shirts ok?

5. Does he realize how crazy Asian women are?

6. They must have met over a magical bowl of pho.

7. I bet he has a Korean name.

8. It is “take out” not “take her out.”

9. This reminds me of one of those bad Saigon movies.

10. I wonder if he asked how many brothers she has.

11. I hope he practiced his bowing.

12. I wonder if he realizes she is American and not a foreign exchange student.

13. Well I guess that explains his Kia.

-OM

Shit I Say


Drinking cold coffee is like having sex with no orgasm.

I bet he buys his friends.

I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire.

I would be offended by what you say if I didn’t already think I was better than you.

Who the hell orders a burger at a Mexican restaurant?

Every time someone serves me cold French fries I die a little inside.

Do you have an air exhaust on that keyboard you little keyboard warrior you.

Magic 8 ball says I really don’t give a fuck.

This music video makes me want to challenge someone to a dance off.

Asians are taken so seriously we have to work twice as hard at being funny.

When I invented technology I meant for it to be easy. I didn’t count on user stupidity.

Where the hell did you get your driver’s license from a cereal box?

The day I drink a cosmopolitan in public is the day my manhood falls off.

How can I respect an artist that doesn’t even know her own lyrics that she supposedly wrote?

Was this intended to be a children’s book or for actual adults…

I can’t believe I just wasted 5 minutes of my life reading that shit.

Don’t you cops have some real crimes to fight? A lot of crime around this library huh.

-OM

The Percentage Post Pt.1


I know everyone hates generalizations so I was really happy when I came across this article in the International Society of Percentage Purists. I had no clue there was such a group! All percentages, facts, and direct quotes can be credited to the ISPP for this article. Thanks ISPP!

  1. Scientists are now 90% sure that extraterrestrial life exists. They are also 90% sure that E.T. is on his way here. I found a new percentage that 90% of the scientists in this field actually think aliens might already be here. It is amazing how many 90%s one can find in one article.
  2. Males are losing their intelligence on average at a 2.5% depreciation rate annually. This is “OK” if you ask me because it is nature’s way of weeding out the less intelligent. Natural selection is a bitch.
  3. When going to a new destination I get lost 75% of the time. I ask for help 0% of the time. I need 0% interaction from the wife during these troubling times.
  4. To the fake soldiers and fake veterans, yes they exist. 50% of the “war heroes” you meet probably did far less then they say. This is not to say there aren’t real kick ass soldiers out there. I myself served but never heard a shot fired in anger during my time in. I did however rescue those captured marines in that village armed with only a knife and a composite bow. Any similarity to the movie Rambo is mere coincidence.
  5. Condoms work 99% of the time. I find it amazing that there is only a 1% accident rate when we know for a fact that more than 1% of the world’s population is stupid. That actually makes condoms pretty freaking awesome.
  6. I believe 93% of the mountains I have seen in my life are fake. They never moved and I never seemed to get closer to them.
  7. Women will argue with 50% of the things men say and have a 13% laziness factor when it comes to vigilance in this matter. Men will WANT to argue with 99.9% of the things women say, but our 99.9% laziness factor in relationships is a real burden on our motivation.
  8. 78.3% of the blog posts you read will be bullshit. They will still be more interesting than real news most of the time.
  9. People that meet Asians guess the wrong nationality 145% of the time. The reason it is over 100% is because you ALL carry the leftover points from the moron that asked me which boat I came on. I flew here asshole!
  10. I will offend 100% of the people I meet at least once in my life. If you honestly think you have never offended those close to you I hate to be there when the lawyer shows up with those “unexpected” papers. “Honey what happened to us???”

-OM

10 Annoying as Shit Things Bloggers Do


1. I absolutely hate when bloggers use the word “hiatus.” The first time I saw this word used so often I thought it was some remote country I hadn’t heard of. “I’ve been on a hiatus” is said so often I thought to myself “man… where the hell is this Hiatus place at? Everyone goes there!” In all honesty people unless you are a celebrity no one cares why you haven’t been blogging. The few people that are interested were probably with you on your “break” so they also don’t actually care about you not posting.

2. Creating titles for yourself to impress the world is annoying as shit. We get it… you really want to be important and created yourself an “Editor in Chief” or “CEO of FakeCorporation.com” to stroke that ego. If I were a job recruiter and I read your resume and saw a “fake entry” like that I would call you out on it. Not only that, but I would make you feel incredibly stupid for pumping yourself up.

3. Bloggers are all here for their own reasons. Some are here to share, some are here to promote, and some are just “finding their way.” I don’t understand why some bloggers make a habit of visiting blog posts where an individual is celebrating hitting a view or follower goal and bashing them for being happy. It happens all the time and it honestly shows what a shitty blogger you are if the only self-esteem boost you find daily is making others feel bad. If you aren’t here for numbers, views, or subscribers that is perfectly ok, but don’t make people feel bad for chasing their dreams. It just makes you look like a bitch.

4. We all have causes we want to trumpet and push towards the public eye. I get that and I do the same thing here. This doesn’t mean that you have to accept and carry every banner you can find because society tells you that you should care. I wonder sometimes how much true conviction people have when they cry bloody murder over almost every incident that hits social media. Pick your battles people.

5. People that present differing opinions are NOT trolls. If a blogger takes issue with your post and decides to respond to you and your twenty friends that are chirping in agreement, that simply means that person cared. It doesn’t make them a troll unless they cross a line and are commenting just to comment. I think many people label any disagreement as trolling and that is sad. That is a pathetic way of viewing blogging.

6. We have all gotten into social media spats. People really need to know and recognize who they are going to war with though. If you decide to reblog or post an attack on a blogger with a thousand times your subscriber number you deserve the attention you get. Honestly people… size up the enemy first. Use some fucking common sense.

7. Stop complaining about lack of views, spammers, fake follows, and the negative sides of blogging if you claim to “only be here for fun.” It starts to sound like you care a little more than just about the fun and we would hate for you to be labeled a hypocrite right? If you publish online for “fun” then that is great and I applaud you for that. It is annoying as shit though to see a blogger claim these things and then all you read is rant after rant about lack of views, how WordPress sucks, and how there are no real readers out there. How is that “not caring” going for you pumpkin?

8. Stop creating a new blog every month. Your last blog didn’t fail because of content or a bad Blog Title. It failed because you were lazy and didn’t go out to find yourself some readers. That is the simple truth. Your “new and remade blog” is going to fail too if you didn’t also remake your blogging habits.

9. It is annoying as shit to require your audience to make accounts to a new website to comment. Turn that moderation crap off or stop wondering why people aren’t commenting. No one has time for that and most people that get that “pop up window” asking for you to create an account click the X and say “fuck it.”

10. The last one is a personal one. I really love how it has become trendy to say “I unfollowed Opinionated Man a long time ago!” Like my website is the equivalent of Facebook or something. As flattering as that is to consider it really is just annoying as shit. It is also amazing how many people feel a need to type that statement.

-OM

Men Only – 10 Rules for Sex


Here are some pieces of advice I have on sex and they are obviously mostly for men, but maybe some women can relate to them as well.

1. Men don’t be too quick to defend yourself. When she says “was that it?” Don’t immediately say “but baby that was 2 minutes and 35 seconds longer than last time…”

2. Men you may not want to watch the football game while having sex. If you just “happen” to sync your sexual activities with that of a two minute drill going on women WILL notice. And they don’t take too kindly to it when suddenly everyone is clapping right on queue.

3. If you throw the pillow case and ask for a timeout for a water break and then get distracted by a playoff game while downstairs don’t expect sex for another 4.3 weeks.

4. Using condiments and making things interesting is fine during sex up until a certain point. That point normally begins when you hear voices that say “Are you guys making dessert in there? I hear whipped cream… I want some!”

5. Guys if you get caught looking at the clock have an answer ready for when your woman asks “what are you looking at?” I normally pick the water glass that should be there by the bed because hydration is important, “I was making sure no one was putting anything in your drink.” When she says “…but we’re at home…” you then need to look frustrated and say “baby can we concentrate on our next moves?”

6. Getting caught having sex in public, like in a car at the park, stops being “cute” and “romantic” at a certain age. The walk of shame is a little worse when your 18 year old has to bail you out from prison and drive you home.

7. Have an answer ready for when women ask you those questions like “was it good for you baby?” I like to go overboard with my answer to stop any further conversation. “Yea baby! This Captain is sure happy! You rocked the boat!” If that one gets old you can change it up with something like “This warrior is sure glad he visited this village!”

8. Sometimes women say silly things they have either heard other people say or seen on movies. If a woman says “Baby it is so large” and you are pretty sure it isn’t… just smile and try not to roll your eyes.

9. Pretending you are a superhero makes sex better.

10. Guys don’t just roll off and run do other things. At least give her a high five before you go. That lets her know you care.

Disclaimer: HarsH ReaLiTy is not responsible for any outcome from having followed any of the above advice. We encourage caution while dealing with sensitive subjects such as these.

-Opinionated Man

 

Ten Reasons I am NOT Afraid of You!


  1. You keep saying “Bro, we…” and we are the only ones out here. Am I stepping on your other friends?
  2. After every insult you take a step backwards. Where are you dancing off to?
  3. You allowed your woman to pick this fight for you. We can definitely tell who wears the pants in this relationship.
  4. You just waved an imaginary wand at me…
  5. You asked your friend to hold your man purse so you could “handle your business.” A man purse… really???
  6. Your favorite sport in the Winter Olympics is figure skating.
  7.  You keep telling me how big you are over social media. Anyone that makes such repeated claims online must have a serious self-esteem issue that is naturally born from being a runt.
  8.  Your attacks on me read like a video game. “I am going to dragon punch, lizard trip, tiger slash, and panda hug you to death!”
  9. You keep referring to your time in the Star Fleet. Which fleet was that again?
  10. You just told me you are a level 85 Druid. On second thought… I am scared of you.

-Opinionated Man