For Men Only – Ten Ways to Get Over Being Dumped!

1. Audition and make it into a boy band. She will crawl across glass to have you back! Just make sure it is an actual boy band and not one of those creepy 50’s, “give it up already” bands.

2. Date her sister or mother. It will work.

3. Become a motherfucking sorcerer. Who needs women if you control the power of magic?

4. Date a girl/woman of a completely different race and also personality (preferably one you have never dated before). Post that shit ALL OVER social media with ALL SMILES. You will send your ex-girlfriend into epic levels of self-doubt.

5. Never, ever, EVER answer your ex’s phone calls. Wait a few months and if she is still calling answer once with a “who is this again?”

6. Create time lapse videos of you and your dog doing EVERYTHING you and your ex did together. Some cheesy music and maybe a few make out scenes will really make the videos memorable.

7. Do everything you told her you would not do with her and take tons of pictures doing it. Again, overshare on social media and know that she sees it. And she hates you.

8. Date a girl with the exact same name. No it won’t create a complex for you, but instead will irk the shit out of her every time she sees a new Facebook post with her name on it.

9. Immediately get married. The next week. That will show her!

10. Write a post on your blog saying “Oh Shit! I found out something horrible from the doctor today!” But never elaborate. She will definitely call you soon.


Things that suck

Neighbor shaming – Some people may not know what neighbor shaming is. I’ll explain. Neighbor shaming is when your neighbor puts up a million Christmas lights on their home, tent, or castle and literally blast shame into your face. A year’s worth.

Medicinal marijuana has an almost 30% tax in Colorado. Holy shit that is robbery! What was Robin Hoods number again?

I painted a wall today. They say a monkey could paint a wall. Well where the fuck was that monkey 9 hours ago?

When nature attacks. Like in the form of a mouse that freaks your wife out. Every husband knows that it doesn’t matter the size of the intruder and in this case the smallest is the worst.

I hate when you go to a party and you play those games and you end up saying everything no one should. That’s always memorable.

McDonald’s is cutting back their menu so they can afford their new 15$/hr workers.

Wooden toilet seats. (Looks down) who told someone that was a good idea…


Apparently these are Inappropriate

Slapping everyone’s ass while walking out of the shower at the YMCA… because apparently we aren’t all on the “same team.” Who knew?

Asking the guy struggling in the bathroom stall next to me if he needs a hand.

Asking a woman if it is twins and being promptly informed she is not pregnant by a slap in the face.

Assuming the Chinese guy with the Chinese name that speaks Chinese is from China. They are never from China, but instead from California is what I am being told. Well excuse me Sir!

Walking up to minorities and randomly asking if they made this or that product at Wal-Mart. Again… inappropriate and possibly racist is what they say.

Getting naked without shame at a feminist “show my tits” march. Apparently the men aren’t supposed to get naked and it has nothing to do with equal rights. Ok, now I am confused.

Giving someone an ice bucket challenge without their previous approval.

You can’t send gifts back to Santa Claus and expect a new one in return. The “nice people” at the post office were scornfully polite in their remarks to me.

Men… you apparently can’t give your wife a Playstation, your daughter a new controller, and your other daughter a few new games and then “show them” how they work for a few hours straight. I don’t get what the big deal was!

Singing Justin Bieber’s Mistletoe during the Church Christmas play is inappropriate. OK! I get it!!!

Responding with “So is Bacon!” when someone says “God is good” to you. Bacon was made by God though…

-Opinionated Man

10 Reasons Not to Follow HarsH ReaLiTy

1. Opinionated Man is an egocentric, misogynistic, heartless bastard (literally he is a bastard since he was adopted) that harvests WordPress for followers every day. Anyone that practices such habits is obviously a narcissistic loser who no one should be around.

2. It is well documented that OM is a troll. He has multiple #cyberbully, #bully, and #troll hashtags running about him on Twitter. He blatantly attacks people when they write about his blog and has shown time again that he is unprofessional. He runs a community of thugs that will lash out in his defense when he is not around. He is obviously a leader of some kind of online cult.

3. HarsH ReaLiTy will reblog your post and send you hundreds of views and also new followers. He claims he doesn’t get anything from this, but we all know that is bullshit. Even “IF” he only gets satisfaction from it, that is something and it shows his egocentric side. Anyone that does “good” just to feel good is unchristian. He should kill himself.

4. Don’t we all hate successful blogs? Especially when they share free secrets and don’t allow us to buy an ebook? HarsH ReaLiTy definitely fits the bill and what’s worse is that he won’t even let us buy anything off his website!

5. OM claims that he makes no money off his website, but we all see how nice his clothes are. Look at that fucking polo shirt, I am sure that wasn’t free! He must be making millions off his website and all of us are simply contributing to his piggy bank! Well fuck you OM and fuck your piggy bank too!

6. Troll-followers are the worst and it is even a greater slight when they openly admit to the practice! And people still follow his blog! I just don’t understand this crazy world we live in!

7. OM writes on abortion and feminism and has a penis. Obviously his penis does most of the typing. I think he should take his misogynistic ideals and his equally misogynistic penis and jump off a bridge. The guy would probably enjoy that though…

8. HarsH ReaLiTy has almost 50,000 subscribers and has only been around for two years. Obviously some tom foolery is going on. I believe the rumors… OM works for WordPress and simply blogs to make us all feel pathetic. What a dick.

9. Opinionated Man admits to being adopted and left on a street. He regularly lashes out in rants at his birth mother. Anyone that does that and is a parent themselves is probably a horrible father.

10. He won’t reblog my post so I stopped visiting his website.

Note: As humorous as some of these sound most of them are pieced together from actual comments about my blog. It is amazing the stroke of self-esteem you receive when you literally read hundreds of comments bashing your website. It makes you wonder why you blog sometimes.


10 Ways to Get New Followers

1. Stalk them online for months until you know everything about them. Then one day drop the bomb. Comment on their post, but tie everything in that they have ever said for the past year into one paragraph. You will impress the shit out of them… or scare the living shit out of them. Who wouldn’t love that?

2. Ask for help every day on every post. People LOVE to be helpful. It works seriously.

3. Naked photo of self or hotter self.

4. Pretend to be a little younger than you are and if you are really old a lot younger than you are.

5. Don’t tell people you have kids. I torture my readers with pictures of my kids all the time only because I am mean as hell.

6. Steal pictures off the internet of new locations so it looks like you travel the world every day. Be sure and include a new car, bottles of champagne, and hot women of course.

7. Pretend to be dying.

8. Battle a shark, youtube it, and lose.

9. Write offensive material that no one should give a shit about, but they probably all will.

10. Just tell us about your day. No one else is living that day but you so someone will find it interesting.


My Bucket List – Part 2

For the first part please refer to the below link.

1. I am going to put on a white robe and randomly walk into the first “Christian church” I find and shout “You idiots! I was Korean!”

2. I’ve never fired anyone before in my life and I feel like I am really missing out. I will fire someone from a non-existent company before I die.

3. I have a theory that feminists in high heels can run just as fast as the ones wearing combat boots. I have decided to test this theory at the next Boulder, CO feminist rally I see. I believe all I will have to do is shout “Hey! I am for equal rights too and I am a man!” Let the footrace begin!

4. I want to get pregnant so I can finally let the world know I have a right to have a say on abortion.

5. I need to learn Mandarin so I can finally understand what the Chinese people at the Dragon Inn are saying about me. It can’t be nice or else they are just mean looking people…

6. I will finally visit a real igloo and see where they hide the toilet and how in the hell they flush it. No wonder those penguins are angry, you Canadians have been flushing shit into their home this whole time!

7. I want to tackle Tom Brady just once and maybe Belichick as well.

8. Just once I want to ride around in a real suit of armor (preferable made of gold) and ride around on a real horse like a knight. A badass Korean knight. I think I would be the first one actually.

9. I would like to see all my choices after death before deciding. Maybe even get to sample them all, that sounds entertaining!

10. I would like to publicly get in a fist fight with ten men and win in front of a crowd of all women, but only if I am going to win. Getting my ass kicked by ten men in front of a bunch of women doesn’t sound like it would make my bucket list…

-Opinionated Man