10 Ways to Make Your Day Awesome


1. Hire an auditorium full of strangers to clap for you for five minutes straight. If that doesn’t boost your ego you need serious help.

2. Wear a neck brace and spend the day making up different stories for it. Saving someone from a fire should definitely be included.

3. Walk around the airport for a day in a pilot outfit and hang out in the bar area. Without a wedding ring of course.

4. Go cow tipping.

5. Use a foreign accent for the day! The more unique and uncomfortable the better!

6. Tell everyone your name is Sir Whatever. Knights are the new thing. Use the name at Starbucks!

7. Stalk and suddenly tackle a member of the Patriots football team. Belichick counts.

8. Send emails to Justin Bieber all day. He is just busy. He’ll answer eventually. I just know it. I know it.

9. Introduce yourself to Soju and don’t be shy.

10. Tell everyone you are a monk for a day and listen to their darkest secrets in amusement. People are surprisingly open to monks.

Men Only – 10 Rules for Sex


Here are some pieces of advice I have on sex and they are obviously mostly for men, but maybe some women can relate to them as well.

1. Men don’t be too quick to defend yourself. When she says “was that it?” Don’t immediately say “but baby that was 2 minutes and 35 seconds longer than last time…”

2. Men you may not want to watch the football game while having sex. If you just “happen” to sync your sexual activities with that of a two minute drill going on women WILL notice. And they don’t take too kindly to it when suddenly everyone is clapping right on queue.

3. If you throw the pillow case and ask for a timeout for a water break and then get distracted by a playoff game while downstairs don’t expect sex for another 4.3 weeks.

4. Using condiments and making things interesting is fine during sex up until a certain point. That point normally begins when you hear voices that say “Are you guys making dessert in there? I hear whipped cream… I want some!”

5. Guys if you get caught looking at the clock have an answer ready for when your woman asks “what are you looking at?” I normally pick the water glass that should be there by the bed because hydration is important, “I was making sure no one was putting anything in your drink.” When she says “…but we’re at home…” you then need to look frustrated and say “baby can we concentrate on our next moves?”

6. Getting caught having sex in public, like in a car at the park, stops being “cute” and “romantic” at a certain age. The walk of shame is a little worse when your 18 year old has to bail you out from prison and drive you home.

7. Have an answer ready for when women ask you those questions like “was it good for you baby?” I like to go overboard with my answer to stop any further conversation. “Yea baby! This Captain is sure happy! You rocked the boat!” If that one gets old you can change it up with something like “This warrior is sure glad he visited this village!”

8. Sometimes women say silly things they have either heard other people say or seen on movies. If a woman says “Baby it is so large” and you are pretty sure it isn’t… just smile and try not to roll your eyes.

9. Pretending you are a superhero makes sex better.

10. Guys don’t just roll off and run do other things. At least give her a high five before you go. That lets her know you care.

Disclaimer: HarsH ReaLiTy is not responsible for any outcome from having followed any of the above advice. We encourage caution while dealing with sensitive subjects such as these.

-Opinionated Man

 

10 Annoying as Shit Things Bloggers Do


1. I absolutely hate when bloggers use the word “hiatus.” The first time I saw this word used so often I thought it was some remote country I hadn’t heard of. “I’ve been on a hiatus” is said so often I thought to myself “man… where the hell is this Hiatus place at? Everyone goes there!” In all honesty people unless you are a celebrity no one cares why you haven’t been blogging. The few people that are interested were probably with you on your “break” so they also don’t actually care about you not posting.

2. Creating titles for yourself to impress the world is annoying as shit. We get it… you really want to be important and created yourself an “Editor in Chief” or “CEO of FakeCorporation.com” to stroke that ego. If I were a job recruiter and I read your resume and saw a “fake entry” like that I would call you out on it. Not only that, but I would make you feel incredibly stupid for pumping yourself up.

3. Bloggers are all here for their own reasons. Some are here to share, some are here to promote, and some are just “finding their way.” I don’t understand why some bloggers make a habit of visiting blog posts where an individual is celebrating hitting a view or follower goal and bashing them for being happy. It happens all the time and it honestly shows what a shitty blogger you are if the only self-esteem boost you find daily is making others feel bad. If you aren’t here for numbers, views, or subscribers that is perfectly ok, but don’t make people feel bad for chasing their dreams. It just makes you look like a bitch.

4. We all have causes we want to trumpet and push towards the public eye. I get that and I do the same thing here. This doesn’t mean that you have to accept and carry every banner you can find because society tells you that you should care. I wonder sometimes how much true conviction people have when they cry bloody murder over almost every incident that hits social media. Pick your battles people.

5. People that present differing opinions are NOT trolls. If a blogger takes issue with your post and decides to respond to you and your twenty friends that are chirping in agreement, that simply means that person cared. It doesn’t make them a troll unless they cross a line and are commenting just to comment. I think many people label any disagreement as trolling and that is sad. That is a pathetic way of viewing blogging.

6. We have all gotten into social media spats. People really need to know and recognize who they are going to war with though. If you decide to reblog or post an attack on a blogger with a thousand times your subscriber number you deserve the attention you get. Honestly people… size up the enemy first. Use some fucking common sense.

7. Stop complaining about lack of views, spammers, fake follows, and the negative sides of blogging if you claim to “only be here for fun.” It starts to sound like you care a little more than just about the fun and we would hate for you to be labeled a hypocrite right? If you publish online for “fun” then that is great and I applaud you for that. It is annoying as shit though to see a blogger claim these things and then all you read is rant after rant about lack of views, how WordPress sucks, and how there are no real readers out there. How is that “not caring” going for you pumpkin?

8. Stop creating a new blog every month. Your last blog didn’t fail because of content or a bad Blog Title. It failed because you were lazy and didn’t go out to find yourself some readers. That is the simple truth. Your “new and remade blog” is going to fail too if you didn’t also remake your blogging habits.

9. It is annoying as shit to require your audience to make accounts to a new website to comment. Turn that moderation crap off or stop wondering why people aren’t commenting. No one has time for that and most people that get that “pop up window” asking for you to create an account click the X and say “fuck it.”

10. The last one is a personal one. I really love how it has become trendy to say “I unfollowed Opinionated Man a long time ago!” Like my website is the equivalent of Facebook or something. As flattering as that is to consider it really is just annoying as shit. It is also amazing how many people feel a need to type that statement.

-OM

10 Ways to get Rid of a Feminist


1. Inform them of a woman that isn’t a feminist. Be sure and hand out some torches and pitchforks so that they can begin their crusade immediately.

2. Say “I am a feminist too!” Don’t actually elaborate on what your beliefs are though just state that you are on the same side. You might even make the weekly “New Male Feminist Members” tweet I see every Saturday.

3. Keep saying “you guys” whenever you address the group. Apparently this is no longer politically correct and we must now say “you all.”

4. Begin to share with them your own hardships. Watch as they immediately walk away, because honestly no one suffers on this world as much as feminists apparently…

5. Talk about abortion and how wrong it is. Inform people of the evils of abortion and how all humans should have a say. Then be a man doing it.

6. Place the word “man” in your username and become an INSTANT nonfactor.

7. Sincerely compliment them and be a male. They won’t know how to take it and will of course suspect you of having an ulterior motive. With some feminists you really can’t pick “safe words” no matter how hard you try.

8. Clump all feminist together. It is inevitable you will receive at least one comment that sounds something along the lines of “well… I have never met that type of feminist, but…”

9. Concede that perhaps Eve did come before Adam. Then argue that this should negate the whole “patriarchy” debate.

10. Claim you are a “humanist” and that you don’t support one gender over the other. Feminist hate this argument because it leaves them with nothing to argue about. Do they then push the fact that they really do want “females” to be greater than males or do they instead say “Awesome!” and show support for all humans in general. As their movement proclaims…

-OM

Why you are Alone on Valentine’s Day!


You think all men are pigs. Well show me a pig that can pick out a Hallmark card, pay for it, sign it, and buy chocolate without eating it and I will agree with you! Otherwise… you are just picky and alone.

You measure men against characters from movies. Look we get it, those men in TV shows and popular movies are suave and slick as hell. They also had twenty men AND women write their lines for them. If I had a committee that filtered every word before it came out of my mouth I might just be perfect as well.

You keep trying to meet guys at the club. I will never understand why women choose to get involved with men that are obviously “players” and then get shocked and upset when they get cheated on. You know who won’t cheat on you? The chess club president that is who. I don’t think a chess club president has ever cheated on a girlfriend in the history of chess!

You hated every boyfriend in the past… and you tell every new boyfriend about it. Yes, unfortunately there are some assholes in the world and you just might have dated some of them! I didn’t come on this date to hear about Richard, Bobby, and Joey ok? If you are alone and you have the habit of ranting about Ex-BFs… maybe a time of self-reflection is required.

You look like a runway model every day. This one might be confusing because what guy wouldn’t want to date a model? Sounds like a lot of drama, I mean fun, but I do feel the need to clarify to women that if you step out of your door every day looking like a fashion model… most “average guys” won’t dare to speak to you. All we see is dollar signs walking around in high heels that none of us can afford to buy you.

You hate flowers, you hate chocolate, and you hate bunnies and you hate… If you hate “everything” or are the type that says you “hate everything” I just won’t try. Why waste my time and money? YOU HATE EVERYTHING!

You LOVE Valentine’s Day. Bahumbug… I hate this holiday. I think many men do too, which is why in the Guycode Book it states “that unless you are married or in a serious relationship you should break all non-important social agreements till after gift buying season is over.” See page 69.

-Opinionated Man

8 Ways To Lose Followers


1. Write a blog for two years claiming to be a minority Korean and then one day reveal yourself to really be white and privileged.
2. Apparently if you write a post simply stating you are taking your kids to the zoo you will lose followers. Who could have imagined that?
3. Make a feminist joke. Mean it. And have a screen name with the word “Man” in it.
4. Be dying and then suddenly become healed. No one wants to be around normal. Boring!
5. Be happy all the time. Who the fuck made you so special?
6. If you become a professional clown I will unfollow you. Creep.
7. I really hate anti-American blogs. If I see a bunch of hate towards the country I love I’ll normally call you a commi loving dickhead and unfollow you.
8. Anti this and anti that blogs get really old really fast. I don’t stick around when the man hate begins.

-OM

10 Ways to get over “Hurt Feelings”


1. Hurt someone else. This is the fastest way to feel better.

2. Buy some Gold Bond and sprinkle it around your manhood. Someone once described it as “a myriad of angels blowing on your nut sack.”

3. Drink enough scotch to the point where you forget why your feelings were hurt to begin with.

4. Run over a bunny rabbit with your car.

5. Replace the friend that hurt your feelings with ten backup friends.

6. Write a post announcing you have cancer and allow yourself a 24 hour ego boost.

7. Send yourself flowers every day for a week straight at the office.

8. Spend a day pretending you don’t speak English. If this doesn’t make you smile you suck as a human being.

9. Compare his little general to oddly shaped fruits and vegetables. That always bothers guys and will make you feel loads better.

10. Have a “Fuck It” day.

-OM