My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.
Accomplishments can sometimes be a hard thing. You conquer a mountain only to find yourself on top of it with your hands on your hips wondering what is next. Sometimes this can cause a momentary lapse in motivation. I have always wondered how artists and painters that seem to push work out with incredible speed do it. Do they not sit for a second and contemplate and appreciate their work? It isn’t a total mystery to me, however, since I view blogging with much of the same respect. I do not sit back on my accomplishments and smile… at least not much. Doing that is only a temporary satisfaction to me, the end goal is the true satisfaction in life for me. I am thus always pushing and driving towards something in the distance.
I have to stop to remind myself to appreciate the now and the current moment. I have always had an issue with appreciating the moment I am living in, too busy focusing on something in the future. I don’t have a huge problem with worrying overly about the past, it has happened and I move on, but the future is so intriguing to me that I sometimes find myself living there… instead of here. Driving into work today I noticed a beautiful sight from my normal drive in Broomfield, CO. I glanced towards the mountains and noticed a perfect postcard scene. Dark clouds had surrounded a distant mountain top, but had parted enough to allow a halo of light to illumine the top. The surrounding mountains were perfectly darkened, as if in homage to the single peak in the distance. It made me stop and wonder if anyone else had appreciated the scene like I had, or were they too busy trying to get home for the night as most people are during that time of the day.
One mountain at a time, one step at a time is how I am trying to live my days. Appreciating each moment for the moment, it is a hard concept for someone with my personality traits. It can be done though.
They seem to float, limbs extended beyond the possibility of extension. Their minds are focused and locked on each action, outwardly they portray a grace that cannot be learned. As they dance the audience is captivated by the moment and all anyone wishes to know is why are these people dancing? What is the meaning and purpose being shown? For all we can do is sit in envy at the perfect beauty of the moment. We are fascinated by the connection between humans and their art. A very real connection and one that often times eludes us ordinary men… we do stare in envy. But our envy does not overpower our appreciation for the accomplishment that two dancers have made us feel emotion by perfect motion.
I wonder what you are doing. Is your life a good one… do you know I exist? Every possible bad scenario has been played out and rerun like a “Friends” episode. I try not to dwell on all the different plots my crooked mind has created. There is no mental image to go by, just a single picture of time once frozen. I stare at it sometimes, dreaming and hoping it might magically alter if only for a moment. To let me know that it is a real picture of you and not some figment of my imagination. The proof is yet to come, but within the pools of my tears late at night I sometimes see a face looking back. It is not mine and somehow I just know… it is you.
I see them passing by. Different colors, sizes, holding occupants from different places and off to see some new adventure. It is like a reel of life playing before my eyes.
The emotion that wells forth is a longing, a fleeting fancy of jealousy. It is the same notion I get when I hear and then witness a plane passing overhead. I want to be there on that plane.
It is not a depressive want for escape from my life, for I would want my wife and daughters to see the world with me, it is instead an inner urge to never feel settled. It is a wonder I am so complacent on a daily basis for I feel this nomadic tedency to strike camp and see what is out there…just over there one more horizon away. It is hard to shake this feeling when it occurs, maybe one day soon we will fold our tents and see the next city on our list. Hopefully somewhere with an ocean view and endless inspirations for pages yet to be written.