Signs Your Wife is Trying to Kill You

Her “friends” keep getting bigger and bigger each year and she isn’t into fitness. Someone has to carry the dead body.

Every time you mention future plans she gets a glossy look in her eyes and mumbles “Oh I wouldn’t worry about that.”

The kitchen suddenly has ten sets of steak knives. Seems like overkill to me.

When watching CSI she corrects the “killer” throughout the show. “No! Don’t put the gloves there they will find them!” Um… baby… you are a little TOO good at this.

She keeps smiling all the time for no apparent reason and there aren’t any shoe sales you are aware of. Women don’t smile without a reason.

Your wife asks you to get inside a giant plastic bin to see if it will make a good trash can. Being clean is a good habit.

She suddenly becomes very interested in the extradition laws in other countries.

She keeps asking “do you feel ok?” after every breakfast, lunch, and dinner for weeks straight. Maybe she is just a very concerned wife.


Blogging is Work

I believe I left “fun” a long time ago. I am sure some people are groaning right now because they feel that blogging should always be fun. That depends on your goals and what you hope to accomplish. I compare it to sports really. You can either “play for fun’ or you can play to win. I have always played to win.

“If you’re not first, you’re last!” Is one of my favorite lines from Ricky Bobby. I know that it isn’t meant to be taken seriously… but hate me world because I do. I really do. I hate being second because I was always second in life. My sister was the A student, I was the C student… on a good day.

It is funny to be recognized as “dedicated and motivated” since those words were never part of my working resume growing up. They were often replaced with the character traits “find an easier road” and “is this really important?” Give me a goal though that I can see, can touch; can feel is close and I will strive for it. That is what blogging gives me. That next level, that next number, that next step I am always taking is what drives me each day to pour the time I do into this blog.

Blogging is work. But it is finally work that I love to do.


In Loving Memory

Her name was Kitty. She was an elderly woman at my church and that is all I knew to start off, other than the fact that suddenly I had been “tasked” with fixing random stuff at this old woman’s apartment. I believe that if you had asked me on the first day going to Kitty’s house what my feelings were they would have been a perfect mixture of dread and loathing. Dread because I had no idea what this lady was about to ask me to do, and loathing because I had so many other more important things that a fifteen year old could be doing.

I never knew her story till later on, after she had gained my friendship. Sad that I think of it that way, her gaining my friendship, when in the end I couldn’t have been more honored to have hers instead. I remember the first day arriving at her place, it was the only time I ever had her pick me up, it was the scariest ride of my life. If a fifteen year old is scared in the car then the car ride is definitely freaking scary. I remember being so close to fire hydrants that I just closed my eyes and waited for the car to either stop or crash. She never wrecked though… amazingly enough. It did not fortify my faith in the elderly driving, however.

Kitty had a best friend, her dog Sunny. Sunny was a Chow and he was gorgeous. Called Sunny because of his fluffy yellow coat, he was an energetic dog and I could tell that the bond between owner and pet was much more than social. They had a pact, a friendship that was stronger than it probably should have been. I say that because later on I found out why this friendship was so close, Kitty had no one else in her life. Her story was another reason for me to hate “some” organized religion. The callous nature in which her former best friends had treated her made me want to go to their nursing home and break every shuffle board stick there.

Kitty had grown up in a Protestant church (I am using Protestant here because I am not sure of the denomination) for most of her life. For some reason, I have forgotten the exact cause, she decided to search for something else. The odd part is that she searched for a new religion late in life after she was well passed the ages in which discovery should be important or happening. She was at a mature enough age that she should have already decided how she felt about most things life had thrown at her, instead she was facing new challenges and questions every day. When Kitty found my Orthodox Church she was embraced by the parishioners there, as is our custom. What we later found out was that all of Kitty’s lifelong friends from her old church immediately shunned her when she left. They cut her off like a cancer cell.

This was not some sixteen year old girl going through a high school drama episode. I might have begun to understand that, at least to a degree, no this was something far crueler in my eyes. Who cares where someone goes on one day of the week as long as your voices are going in the same direction. True, I do see a difference in other people’s churches and mine and other people’s god and mine own, but that does not mean that I discriminate against those people in regards to friendship. This was a truly sad moment in my own religious journey, as I learned just how important people feel about some issues in life. Those people felt so indifferent to her that they did not even show up at her funeral some years later, a funeral I was proud to be a pallbearer at.

In loving memory.


HarsH ReaLiTy February Newsletter

Dear Employees,

Upper management has come up with a list of concerns over the past couple weeks. We realize that sharing an environment is hard on everyone, but we are particularly sensitive to the minorities in our company. This would of course be Opinionated Man in every situation as he holds every “card” in the “feel sorry for me” pack.

We will bullet point these so that all current employees can better digest these totalitarian rules. Future bloggers that join HR’s ranks may want to ensure none of these conflict with their own morals.

  • Whoever keeps turning the Men’s Restroom sign upside down stop it! It takes real energy to turn that back around. We have a strong suspicion as to the culprit (culprits) and giggling has been recorded in the halls. We Are Watching.
  • Coffee is a benefit people. Management has noticed certain women smuggling packs of coffee out like cocaine. Also we would again like to emphasis that alcohol is not allowed on the work premises unless it is medically prescribed, as in OM’s case. Rules are rules.
  • We have noticed some segregation going on during lunch time. In an effort to force cultural diversity we have decided to implement a “meet another race day!” We have also decided to allow open discussion on these days; no PC restrictions are to be enforced. Let’s go meet some cultures people!
  • Management has been concerned by the overly friendly nature that has started to infest our halls. Hugging, exchanges of kindness, and any form of charity are now prohibited. We hope this will drive employees to better manage their time. Friendship is overrated. Progress reports are always your friend!
  • Employees the Lower Basement (AKA The Dungeon) is now off limits. This area is being used as our new think tank. The screams from within are willing participants. Please smoke outside.
  • We encourage all employees to sign up for this year’s softball team! Those losers at Beautiful Reality, BR next door, won’t know what hit them! Can we please have all participants learn the team chant this time… the correct one? This means you Linda.
  • In an effort to show our appreciation for all of your hard work this year’s Christmas party has been moved to a better location. Instead of having it on the boring 4th floor, we will be moving it to the 5th floor!!! Anything can happen!!!
  • Whoever keeps parking their BMW in two spaces… just to show off your rims STOP IT! How do you even own a BMW and work here…. We may need to speak to payroll.

-Opinionated Man

Boosting the Signal: These things I care about

Opinionated Man:

What a great post and a good way to network out to other bloggers! You are correct I write many of my blogging help articles FOR others, so it is awesome that people find them helpful! Thank you for the kind mention and for reading them! -OM
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Originally posted on Pilcrows & Cedillas:

Below are five posts that have mattered to me this week. In there various ways they have touched my life and made me see the world in either a different way, added beauty to it or brought something that I needed to know to my attention. These aren’t the only things that are important to me, they’re not even close to the things that matter most in my life, but each one of them is special. It’s been mentioned to me that it would be easier to just reblog the pieces I put out on Boosting the Signal, but that that kind of misses the point. These aren’t my words, they belong to the writers, and they deserve to have you go and look at them the way that they intended.

Publishing Is Rotten To The Core | David Gaughran. Ever since I heard about Kindle self-publishing I knew…

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WordPress’s Own Welcoming Committee – HarsH ReaLiTy

Opinionated Man:

Thanks for the kind words Linda. :)
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Originally posted on lindaghill:

When I started blogging I had no idea what I was doing. I roamed around WordPress marveling at all the people who seemed to have something to talk about. I knew I had words inside me that I wanted to get out – but how to start was the biggest question, followed closely by, how do I get anyone to read what I’ve written?

So I began, rather lamely I might add. A few people followed me, most of whom when I looked at their sites were simply trying to sell something.

I read up on a few hints from WordPress themselves; things like click on people’s avatars and follow them, or comment on other people’s blogs. It didn’t get me too far, but it was a start. Then one day, someone who called himself “Opinionated Man” followed me. I made one of my bolder attempts at commenting on his…

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