My Feminist Vow – By: Opinionated Man


I vow I will never hold the door open for another woman. If the door is about to hit her in the face I will not turn away, but will instead observe the harsh reality of equality.

I vow to never appreciate boobs again. I don’t have any myself so they must not be special. If they were indeed important… men would have been given at least one right?

I vow to never say the word “male” again! I turn my back on the label. From this day forth I will be known as human. I also intend to pick randomly which restroom I use since I am no longer observing silly differences. I have always wondered what the women’s restroom looks like…

I vow to never buy a woman flowers anymore. If a pair of socks and an ugly tie is good enough for men, well it should be good enough for you ladies as well. They won’t match either.

I vow to never look below a woman’s neck ever again. If a lady asks me to look at her outfit or shoes I will immediately inform her that I don’t care about such shallow things. I am on a face only diet!

I vow to write a tweet every week about feminism and the awful enslavement of women. I will not gloss over the hard facts of shopping sprees, unfair amounts of parental love, and the current efforts to create an equal society. In true feminist form I will ignore all the good and stick to the bad in this world. Without the bad we have nothing else to complain about… we must defend our breadbasket at all costs!

I vow to only cheer for the women in Disney movies. This is more important than religion… apparently.

I vow to never call a woman pretty, fine, sexy, or beautiful ever again. I will reserve those awesome words for myself. Instead all women will receive classy words like “average, so-so, and you can do better.”

I vow to come up with more vows tomorrow. This is now my new movement.

-Opinionated Man

145 thoughts on “My Feminist Vow – By: Opinionated Man

  1. Interesting read, i’ve been thinking a lot about feminism recently and to be honest I don’t think it exists anymore. Feminism is all about equality, not women being a superior being to men or vice versa. I think it’s all about manners. I hold the door open for everyone. I’m polite and courteous and it doesn’t really matter about the gender in my opinion. Have manners, don’t be a dick ,that’s a better rule to abide by :)

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  2. Lmao! Oh, another vow idea for you: be sure that, if you should find yourself reaching for the same item in a grocery store, DO NOT be polite and let her have it; push that bitch’s hand out of the way and make her compete for it. That’s what men have to do, isn’t it? ;)

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  3. Your new movement is SO hilarious! You have got to let us know how its working out for you because unless you have a “Women Haters Club” it will be amazingly difficult to stick to the rules. LMBO!

    “I vow I will never hold the door open for another woman” Oh wow! I think I saw you or a brother who shares your new vows at a rest stop in upstate NY this weekend. I saw a couple hugged up and walking towards the entrance to the rest stop then the guy walked in first AND wait for it… he let the door go in his lady’s face! OMFG I tried SO hard NOT to laugh when the door hit her but I saw it coming.

    Trust me – you really don’t want to go into the ladies room – it would be VERY bad and it will damage you! I don’t even want to go in there… thank goodness we go in there in packs.

    “I vow to never appreciate boobs again.” “I vow to never look below a woman’s neck ever again.” Um, really? Do you really think that you can hold to the “face” vow and like women too? Yea, I’d love to see it and when the women walks away I bet you take a look, hahaha.

    Listen, I love my flowers, having the door held for me, having a man cook and clean is sexy as hell, and he better keep saying I look nice in my outfits because it takes a long time for us ladies to find the clothes that we wear for the men we care about LMBO!

    This post is too funny that is why I follow you – keep them coming!

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  4. When I married my wife, she promised to be a good and obedient wife. I told her that if I wanted obedience, I would have hired a servant, what I wanted was an equal partner. I’ve been regretting that bold claim ever since.

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  5. Is there really even a feminist movement right now? I mean, really? It’s all just people going to work. I could go on ab how the elite funded the woman’s rights movements of the 1920s only to be able take women of of their homes in into work, thus taxing an entire new half of the population which also led to children spending less time with their mothers and ultimately being raised by the state.. but I’ll spare you

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  6. Haha, this is funny. You proved a point indeed. Years back a local journalist in my country caused a stir when she wrote a piece touting equality and such… and began her article by sharing an instance of how she was offended when a male friend offered to help carry her shopping bags! I, on the other hand, can’t appreciate such chivalrous acts more, and to me they have nothing to do with inequality. Heck, even my boss holds the door for me! So while we’re still on this topic, do check out this post I wrote earlier in the week – I was the lucky recipient of what to me was chivalriy at its utmost :D : http://minahmisteri.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/the-day-i-walked-in-the-rain/

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  7. I vow that before any woman be allowed in my company unchaperoned, an interview or appointment request must include a signed & notarised “Enthusiastic Consent” Form be emailed to me (cc:ed my legal counsel, and law enforcement in the jurisdiction of the appointment), plus a request detailing time location agenda and attendants be published on a youtube video 24 hours in advance of any meeting.

    Safety first!

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  8. Ha Ha! You have forgotten to vow to share the house work, cooking and looking after the kids, helping older family members and your spouse or partner (when she is not well)…. :-))

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  9. Pingback: Part 2 My Feminist Vow – By: Opinionated Man | HarsH ReaLiTy

  10. Hey, you can appreciate my ‘so-so’ boobs anytime. I certainly like to enjoy a gentleman’s derriere when I get the chance. I can change a tyre on my car, but I don’t want to. Some men I know cook fairly well but I’m much at it so I’ll do the cooking myself. Am I putting ‘women’s rights’ back a thousand years because I feel like this?

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  11. I have to ask, what in the world is this little tidbit about?

    “I vow to only cheer for the women in Disney movies. This is more important than religion… apparently.”

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  12. We’re all only human…except for women. We’re special lol
    OM, it’s a wonder some feminist hasn’t shot you yet. lol Sorry I tend to see the humor side in situations.
    I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes:
    -Dr. Ian Malcolm, “God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs. God creates Man, man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs”
    Dr. Ellie Sattler, “Dinosaurs eat man….. Woman inherits the earth”
    ― Jurassic Park

    I believe in respecting each other and treating each other as humans. If we treat others as less than what we would like to be treated then we are no better.

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  13. That was really funny, well done. Fortunately for me, chivalry is not dead and I am surrounded by kind men. Hubby on the other hand, loves to watch me try and dodge doors. It used to bother me being three steps behind him all the time, but he once pointed out that there are usually sticker bushes, dog poop, and assorted other hazards in the path, so it wouldn’t be very nice to push a woman ahead of you.

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  14. The feminist debate will never come to an end. And, honestly, the more we shed light on it and discuss it the more it elevates in importance. The Feminist movement started at some point (During the French Revolution in the 18th century) to reshape the social structures of society and to minimize the functional limitations on the two genders.
    Today, “Feminists” don’t necessarily understand the real values/concepts behind this movement and they “FIGHT” for women’s rights for the sake of “fighting.”
    If asked: what are you “fighting” for? Or why do you choose this specific way of expression?
    The answer would mostly be either to give women their rights or to liberate women, but from what? No one knows.

    One last detail I want to add is that some women around the word are still deprived from basic rights, but dealing with this issue the way we are dealing with it now would only aggravate the idea of separation and differentiation between the two genders. This is only making it worse for you, modern feminists!

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  15. You know I had this whole little rant all worked out but I have this horrible feeling that in some if not most of this you are actually in the right.

    NOT right you understand (I have no desire for the secret womens assassin squad to come after me in the night) but in the right insofar as things have gotten maybe just a tad out of hand in the land of PC while at the same time we are losing the battle for basic courtesy between people regardless of gender.

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  16. Hi OM, Your points are well said. Women, I do feel have a tendency to ‘advantify’ themselves(from our eyes) as and when they want but it is not them who create problems per se.

    It is the chauvinists who get nuts cracking of men & women alike. Also, just like terrorists thier numbers are less but influence as strong. We must not deprive ourselves of normal living ‘coz of them.

    For me, women deserve all the attention they get. Don’t you want to care for your woman? You do! Right?

    And why? Because,

    She makes you feel special,
    She makes you feel needed,
    She makes you feel desired,
    She gives you all the love,

    And that is one thing all of us need. That is why women are special. :)

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  17. It seems the feminist movement is more focused toward alienating one another to prove that we are individuals. Sorry, but I’ll stick to chivalry and I will not hesitate to open a door, or say good morning, help gather scattered school papers on a windy day, say please and thank you to men and women alike. It’s called being a decent human being. Maybe we should try that as the next big movement? Sounds risky, I know, but hey, they are trying to ban the word “Bossy” from use; i’m sure being nice to people could catch on a bit easier.

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  18. Oh, oh, you wanna hear about extremes? We were having our International Women’s Day 24 hours of radio broadcasting on KFAI and one of the women went all apeshit and yelled at a couple of men well, for being men and for being there at the station. Just unreal. So embarrassing.

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  19. The feminist movement makes normal women, like me, look bad. Why are we so busy fighting what we are made to do? I mean, how many men can make a baby (post coitis), cook a phenomenal dinner, clean, be doing laundry, and watch tv at the same time?!? I am woman, let me stay home!

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  20. THANK YOU! I HATE how women march behind feminism and being independent and then have all these unrealistic expectations in dating. They want to be treated equally in society but not in relationships. Why should the guy always pay, why should he open doors, why should SHE be the stay at home parent, why does HE have to be mister heavy lifting and fix it? A real relationship, gender doesn’t matter. We do things for each other because we care and are considerate to each other. It’s like women want to keep the pleasantries of being a women and treated like a dainty flower, but want the benefits of equally a man receives like progression in corporate world.

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