Seoul never sleeps. It is still the Summer of 2000, but we are waiting to depart back home to the United States. I called my mom and she said a few of my friends wanted to meet me at our house after I arrived if that was ok. They were hesitant, the grape vine of information must have let them know something possibly traumatic had happened to their friend while in Korea. Suspicions should not be hindered from the fantastic, I was obviously a North Korean spy now.
We are sitting in my dining room. My family and a few of my friends are here, I hand out a few gifts. I don’t really remember too much from this period, it is kind of like a dream that someone told me about that I then feel like is my own. I probably could remember more, I probably don’t really want to. I do know that while in Korea I developed a love for the spirits. In Korea you just need to be able to crawl to the bar and say “Soju!” and the God of soju appears. I was eighteen at the time, took first grade twice to learn English for those counting, so drinking sounded like a remarkably great idea. I recall guzzling a pint of rum, post finding out my big news, then proceeding to spread my breakfast, lunch, and dinner all over Pusan. Yes, drinking was definitely for me. Now let’s go to college…
There is a point of contention between some bloggers about purity of method when it comes to blogging. Do you hope to connect only with those that “love” your work and through those connections do you hope to build an audience only of like minded people? Or are you like some bloggers (me) that would rather see their work in front of a million faces and hope that a percentage of connections comes from it?
They will always have something to say. They will try to compare and contrast your actions to their own lines of thought. Similarities between lives become instant points of contention because we as humans take different things to heart from each situation. One person focuses in on the pain, another praises the presence of God, and still the third mumbles that at least the devil wasn’t involved this time. Separate points of view focused on the same scene, we all reach for the white elephant and feel different portions in the night.
Do we live a single life only to try and impress our lessons upon another? Is each step walked in hope that an opportunity will present itself to give a lesson instead of merely living our lives? I see doctors and professors in every direction, desperately they seek a student to teach each day. We scream at the wind without concern of sound because our action is just that… an action. There is no will for reception from them.
They seep from above and seek one last breath. Their fingers of desire are shattered by the closing of reality’s lid. And screaming they fall into despair, the eternal knowledge of dreams that melt.-OM
I meet my fears daily. They stand upon the deck with me, I feel their hands upon my shoulder. Their added weight does not comfort me, it in fact causes me to lean slightly to the left and may cause future harm to my knees. I think I will ask my doctor about that.
The coming sun does not portray a singular shadow upon my unswept deck. Instead I see a crowd behind me. I turn my head, there is no one there. Their voices are clear in the morning air, we pause in debate and watch a duck fly by looking for the lake a block over. It captures our attention for a moment and we forget our prescribed parts in this play. Reality quickly fixes this momentary lapse in attention.
I look down and see their eyes upon me. My eyes. A new day begins.
I debated writing this. Not because I want to be stingy with knowledge, but rather because I wondered if anyone cared. But a few have asked so I will say it here once and be done.
Someone, a few ones, asked how I gained so many followers so quickly. I am not a sales guy, this is not an ad, I just felt like sharing. The reason I feel like sharing is because I see so many great blogs out there, waiting to be discovered. People, great things aren’t discovered or found they are put out there! See that Search bar next to the feed? All that stands in your way between you and your future viewers is effort. No one says you have to read their whole blog, just go out and read a post and like it. See if the gesture is returned. If you want fifty, a hundred, even a hundred thousand followers it is up to you. Sure you can spend money, but that only takes you so far.
Keep writing, that is the best advice. Keep writing and engage other bloggers, if you are seeking opinions on your work your opinions are waiting just out there.
I never thought I would keep this blog this long. Some have asked me why I do it. Why give out advice for free, why spend the time helping people, and why am I basically… writing for free. My wife has been nudging me towards looking for better work in the IT field. Become a programmer or developer. I want to be a writer.
Some people have asked (realize when I say “some people” it is because I am lazy) what my plans are. They assume I have a plan and I have read a small portion of the comments. One person I think wrote that I did Project O so I could steal everyone’s answers and write a book. Or something to that affect. I tried and I sold only one copy and that was to my mom… I guess you all weren’t that interesting. Some people are just idiots. That time I said some people because I wanted to.
The harsh reality of life. We contemplate these things at night. Sipping our cheap $9 merlot and typing away our sorrows at 1 am because we just got off a “swing shift” if you can even call it that. But this isn’t a complaint. And honestly I would rather not get a bunch of “hang in there old boy… you can do it.” Unless you are wearing a hat, chewing a cigar, and look like Gatsby save the old boy stuff.
I don’t feel like doing things the way others do things. You ever feel like you know what you want but of course it is the “getting there” that is the problem? Fucking brass ring is just swinging in the air… just teasing the shit out of you. This isn’t some light in the tunnel analogy, it is reality. It is wanting a goal and knowing that one day you will get that goal. One day you’ll turn around and be able to say “I told you so” because you know what? Saying “I told you so” feels fucking great!
Jason Chandler Cushman